ALL THE DIFFERENCE

"It's our choices that make us who we are."
Jose Gonzalez

—Cycling Trivialities

Tonight this is running through my mind. It reminds me of: a dark narrow corridor with a bookshelf / a small chilly kitchen / cold squeaky floor boards / suitcases / a guitar / feeling calm, hopeful, happy, safe, at home.

It Is Finished.

Sleep don’t visit, so I choke on sun and the days blur into one

Sleep don’t visit, so I choke on sun 
and the days blur into one

What happens when you live abroad.

This made me cry. 

I’ve been blessed to have been in all the premier institutions since Primary One until A-Levels. I love my alma maters, but everyone coming from such schools bears a “curse”; we lose people from our lives. We lose people from our lives to the UK and the US. We lose people to Germany, France and Australia. We lose people to wherever their higher education takes them (and sometimes they don’t come home). We lose people in two major phases: first the girls, when they’re 19, then the boys, two years later.

Yes, we are all still friends, we all still love each other. We are still interested in each other’s lives, and we all still catch up whenever we’re in the same country. If we are ever in the same country. 

I’m not saying that I wish that people don’t go; I wouldn’t want that. I am just saying that this articled moved me, because I see how I’ve changed and they’ve changed and how we’ve changed so differently and irrevocably, and because I miss people.

(Source: withlovefromalandunknown)

Impression

You know how sometimes whenever you listen to a certain song and you get a certain impression?  

An impression; it being more vivid than a memory; multifarious in sensation; recalling emotional, mental, visual, tactile, olfactory and perceptive experiences; transporting you to point X on day Y with intention Z; only less tangible than an actual physical event.

You know? Well, I get those all the time.

REALLY SHOULDA NEEDA WANNA CANNOTAFFORDTO GO TO SLEEP RIGHT NOW

—0206HRS

12,373

So, I’m supposed to work magic with these 12,373 words and transform them into an A-worthy report before Monday 12 noon great where’s my wand.

Achievement Unlocked

So I came home, pulled the file out of Dropbox, and got to work. I clocked a whopping 3.8 hours non-stop before I got distracted. 

(Okay, 3 more minutes, and I’m throwing myself back in for another stretch.)

FINALLY, after sweeping some awards and going all over the Western world, Tarantino’s Django Unchained opens in SG. But currently I’m enslaved by work till April ugh.

CWG003

  • 1: You said you've given it all to me.
  • 2: I did, I've let go.
  • 1: Thinking and hoping and waiting isn't letting go.
  • 2: Oh.

But everything is about the decision; the attitude and the posture that undergirds it. The action that comes out of it becomes secondary. The heart of the matter is, as always, a matter of the heart.

—Wisdom encapsulated by Nigel, via noogeroo

Larder+Fridge Stock Take

  • DORITOS Nacho Cheesier
  • DORITOS Spicy Nacho
  • RUFFLES Sour Cream and Cheddar - best potato chips ever
  • JAGABEE - best fake fries ever
  • HAWAIIAN HOST Maui Onion and Garlic Macadamias
  • HAWAIIAN HOST Chocolate Covered Macadamias
  • CRABTREE & EVELYN Lemon & White Chocolate Biscuits - don’t eat these but they’re in my larder
  • Chocolate-covered OREO - sounds horribly decadent
  • BUNDABERG Root Beer
  • POKKA Chrysanthenum White Tea
  • OLD TOWN White Milk Tea
  • MILO
  • VITAMILK - best discovery of RJC, thanks to 7-11
  • HÄAGEN-DAZS Midnight Cookies & Cream
  • HÄAGEN-DAZS Macadamia Nut Brittle
  • HÄAGEN-DAZS Vanilla & Almond Bar
  • Bigass 250g RITTER SPORT - from Berlin, that Bo is still nibbling through 
  • Assortment of other chocolates that I can’t be bothered to remember + name + write down
  • [edit] + Homemade semi-burnt fudgy brownies - I have just discovered these sigh

I don’t even know why there is so much food available at home when the main consumer of such foods is currently on Tekong. And the worst part is that I’ve been subconsciously munching/gulping my way through these as a distraction from BSP2005 report-writing. No wait, that’s not the worst. The worst is that I’ve actually put on 2-3kg over the past week and I feel wobbly. But maybe that was from the heavenly 20oz medium new york striploin I had on Saturday night. Bugger it all.

Noted.

Noted.

Sup

  1. MPP is on the line because of last sem’s CAP. M thinks it’s because I’ve been giving too much of my time away. The truth is that I was dead.
  2. Writing monologues, to be best delivered Stanislavsky-style
  3. Too much time on my hands, too much. Yet too much work to do, too much.
  4. Looking forward to Summer (the academic season, not the current season).
  5. Unable to sleep before 1.30AM, and sleep past 8AM. While this potentially offers a healthy 6.5 hours of rest, I hardly can afford the luxury of waking up at 8AM. And on days that I can, I sleep way past 1.30AM. Therefore, there is a need to cultivate better sleeping habits.
  6. Have not had painted nails for a week. It has been surprisingly liberating because I don’t have to colour-coordinate my outfits/accessories/bags with my nails. Achievement unlocked.
  7. Running the Good Friday script in my head every now and then, and sourcing for the right soundtrack. I am a different director in and out of rehearsals - unconsciously so.
  8. Tumblr and Pinterest are the new Facebook
  9. Next two weeks will be insanity. Thereafter, I will turn 22 and most probably feel no different about it.
  10. FAQ - Frequently Asking Questions - of myself and the upstairs.

“But it’s hard to stay mad when there is so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I am seeing it all at once, and it is too much. My heart fills up like a balloon that is about to burst. And then I remember to relax. And stop trying to hold on to it. And then it flows through me like rain. ” - Lester Burnham, American Beauty

“But it’s hard to stay mad when there is so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I am seeing it all at once, and it is too much. My heart fills up like a balloon that is about to burst. And then I remember to relax. And stop trying to hold on to it. And then it flows through me like rain. ”

- Lester Burnham, American Beauty